Hummingbirds and Online Dating

Today I went to go make an appointment to get my next tattoo.  And they were closed.  But that’s not the point.  I’ve got this super special design in mind and I’m finally ready to commit it to skin.  And it’s been long enough since my last tattoo that I’ve distanced in my mind how painful it is and I think that delusion will hold for another round of ink.  But that’s not really the point either.  The point is that I’ve decided today that the design will include a hummingbird and now that feels perfect.

Take a break from reading this and google Elizabeth Gilbert’s speech “The Flight of the Hummingbird.”  Or just simply stay tuned for my quick synopsis.  Basically, she says that one should not be stressed out if they don’t know what their one passion in life is.  Ms. Gilbert says that some of the most interesting people she’s ever known in her life haven’t had a clue what they want to be when they grow up.  They’ve been quite a few things and somehow have fallen into their passion along the way.  The flight of the hummingbird that she speaks of refers to the idea that when one finds something that interests them, they should simply turn their head a quarter of an inch and pursue it.  That way, if it doesn’t work out then one hasn’t spent a lifetime headed in the wrong direction (which can be the case when we try to convince ourselves that something is our passion only to later find out that it only looked good on paper.)

Of course, this is more eloquently stated by Elizabeth Gilbert on YouTube.  This fact does not stop me from telling my younger friends all about the flight of the hummingbird when I see them in near tears because they feel like their life doesn’t contain a passion or a direction.  But then I tell them to watch the video.  And then they tell me they feel better.  And then I get to feel like the wise older sister who made all the mistakes to pave the way for the younger sibling.  I’m an only child so I need to use my mistakes for something.

I have followed the flight of the hummingbird for sure.  Sometimes I think of it as a hummingbird.  Other times I think of myself of the dog from the movie ‘Up’ who has a lot of smart things to contribute to conversations and then SQUIRREL!  But I’m not getting that tattooed on my body.

Here are some of the things I have done with my professional post-college life: got a masters degree in marine science, managed a North Face store, waited tables, coat check girl at a swanky bar, cocktail waitress at an evening swankier bar, loan assistant at a bank, kickboxing instructor (that’s right….watch out), yoga teacher, professional beer nerd and now….a writer.

Perhaps I’m being a little premature thinking that my first big book project will allow me to be a writer in the professional (read: paid for doing something) sense.  But something in me tells me that this is where my hummingbird will rest for a while.  And when I look back on all those other professions, every single one gave me just the nectar I needed to continue to fly.  They were not for nothing.

It’s been one month into this project and I don’t even know where to begin with talking about how flippin’ amazing it has been.  It’s a ton of work.  But I wake up excited to do it.  It’s been a lot of reckoning with my own shit.  But even that feels pretty great.   I’ve already made some new friends with some of the incredible women that I’ve come in contact with thanks to this project.  Sisterhood, y’all.  It’s a pretty powerful thing.

I’ve filled one whole composition notebook with the ideas that come flooding to me on a daily basis.  Just today I started constructing my thoughts around a chapter that will be dealing with online dating.  I contacted an interviewee and decided on a title chapter—-Tinder is the Night.  I think it’s hilarious.  But it’s highly possible that my future editor won’t find me nearly as funny as I find myself.

And in the interest of that chapter and others to come I contacted two guys I had gone on dates with via online sites.  My plan is to have some open, honest conversation with them about why they weren’t that into me.  Oh, you thought I was brave before?  Watch this.  But it’s after sending those messages that I discovered something super interesting about myself.

This project and the constraints I’ve put on myself for dating during the duration of it have given me this sense of freedom.  I can speak honestly and from the heart with men from my past because I have absolutely no fear of rejection.  I don’t have any attachment to an outcome standing in the way of saying what I want to say without first filtering it out so that perhaps I can come across as more attractive.  Trust me, this is big.  And this freedom is allowing me to know myself better and, hallelujah, get some closure on the way.

Until next time…..don’t forget to turn your heads my darlings.  You never know what you might find.

 

2 responses to “Hummingbirds and Online Dating”

  1. Peg O'Connor says:

    Bravo, Ashley!

  2. Dawn York says:

    Absolutely beautiful!!! Love it!! I can’t wait to hear about your “honest” conversations with potential tinder dates – that will make a great chapter!!!!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *